Phenology

This was the last photo I took before I dropped and broke my X-T20 camera in August. That’s when I stopped writing my daily essays and stopped taking daily photos. Because life doesn’t slow down, I shouldn’t either. So let’s keep going.

Slept about four hours last night. As I lied in bed, my thoughts wavered between past regrets and future hopes. I have to keep reminding myself that even though my past shaped who I am today, I’m not defined by it. The future is mine, and I just have to seize it.

I felt hesitant to go to the park yesterday because I’ve gone so many times before and I didn’t know if I’d find anything I hadn’t shot before. I was wrong. Beauty is everywhere—in the trees, on the ground, in people—and a consistent habit helps reinforce that truism.

Went to the park this morning. It was 20°F/-6°C. Met a man who declared his love to the beauty of our town. Sometimes this place isn’t half bad.

In On Photography, Susan Sontag wrote:

All photographs are memento mori. To take a photograph is to participate in another person’s (or thing’s) mortality, vulnerability, mutability. Precisely by slicing out this moment and freezing it, all photographs testify to time’s relentless melt.

In The Obstacle is the Way, Ryan Holiday wrote:

Every culture has its own way of teaching the same lesson: Memento mori, the Romans would remind themselves. Remember you are mortal.

I’ve been thinking a lot about memento mori today, about how little time I have to waste away, how I want to make every moment count. My biggest enemy is myself. I wish I could get out of the way sometimes, to slow down and appreciate the beauty all around me, to actually let the world inside my walls.

I love it when it rains.

The past couple of days have been rough. I’ve been battling a debilitating back pain that has forced me off my feet and has made sleep a struggle. But I woke up today to the first snowfall of the season, and I just had to get out of my home and go for a walk.

It was a beautiful fall day today.

School has been a mess. The teachers are infuriating, but I’m happy to see the students back. I went home livid and exhausted, and I’ve been questioning my employment status. But I took a look at the shots of the moon I took in the morning, and I felt calm and excited. This new camera has centered me. I love it so much. At least I have this to fall back to when things are tough. What more can I ask for?