I’m thinking through some things—questioning habits, rethinking workflows, expanding my thought domain—and I remembered I had this note that I used to use a lot before the coronavirus was a thing.
My productivity system is a single text file that I write in every day. I would like to write an article one day on it. I’m also reading through Cal Newport’s A World Without Email, a book that exemplifies confirmation bias for me.
There’s this mindset among many people online that I like to call app lust. It means this desire to try out the next great app because people think it’ll be the answer to their problems but in reality just serves as a distraction that gives the person a hit of dopamine. Each new app satisfies this craving, and they’re always on the lookout for the next hit. I used to be this way, and I’ve learned that I’m happier when I rely less on technology and on apps.
Anyways, I’m still thinking through these thoughts, but here’s the list I used before the coronavirus and something I hope to use more of today:
Does it scare the hell out of me?
Will it take me out of my routine?
Will it help other people?
Will I make friends?
Will I grow from this experience?
Would I do this regardless of money?
Will I regret not doing it?
Notes
I created a new tag: guitar. I went back and tagged a few older posts with it. I want to slowly start building an archive of notes and achievements on my site in regards to my guitar practice. I’m not sure what that will look like yet, but I’m excited to find out! So let’s go!
About four and a half years ago, in an effort to simply improve my artistic ability, I spent a week or two drawing portraits in an old notebook I had. The goal was to draw a face a day, and I really enjoyed the whole process. I do love drawing, but with anything that isn’t writing, I have a tough time knowing what to create.
This mini-project ended abruptly when I was called out to a fire, something that happened often during the summers. I didn’t get back into a normal routine that year until September, and because I had only spent a few weeks on this project, I hadn’t build up the routine in my system. So I never picked it up again.
Looking back at these sketches, I feel not only the pull to create again, but also the dreadful fact that time keeps marching forward, whether I like it or not. I remember doing these sketches like I did them yesterday, but these were done almost five years ago. What the hell!? Where did all that time go!?
But another thing I’ve learned by revisiting these sketches is how much of my life I’ve devoted and am still devoting toward creating stuff.
In college, after I intentionally hurt myself, I was required to see a therapist. I won’t go into too many details about this period in my life, but one of the things my therapist taught me was the skill of focusing my energies toward things that made me happy. At the time, I went to film school, so some of the things I did was to spend even more time writing and studying movies and volunteering in more of my friend’s film projects. I had a blast doing this, and once I graduated, I felt like I knew how to take care of myself for the first time in my life. My college paid for my therapy sessions, so once I graduated, my time with my therapist ended, too. It has been almost 13 years since I’ve seen her, and I owe so much to her that I feel like I literally would not be alive if it wasn’t for her.
In a way, she showed me who I was and who I could be. I focused on the person I wanted to be, so I worked until that version of me was the real me. I don’t know if it’s humanly possible to be the me in my head, but I feel like I’m infinitely closer to that version of me now than when I tried to hurt myself then.
And I think some of what has helped me is what I call my three pillars. They’re super simple:
As long as I follow these pillars, I feel not only happy but also like I’m giving myself the weapons to fight off my demons, to fight off those forces that told me it was okay to hurt myself and to hurt others. Each pillar feeds into the next and is fed by the others, so it’s this ouroboros of happiness, at least for me.
So what does all this mean?
It means that for me to stay happy, I have to create things, and that means I write, I take photos, and I draw. I have to learn new things, and I do that by reading books, by learning new languages, and by playing the guitar. Eventually, I would like to make my own music, but for now, I’m still learning, and this is a very fun and very frustrating phase to be in. I have to keep pushing. Finally, I have to take care of my health, and I do that by eating well—I’m vegan—and by working out regularly. For me, health is the foundation for everything I do, and without it, the other two pillars won’t be enough to keep me happy. I have to workout. I have to sweat and feel the endorphins rush throughout my body because if I don’t, then I’ll be sad. It’s really that simple for me.
These pillars have led me well for a while, and I hope I have the strength to keep them standing for the rest of my life because the alternative is scary.
I’m kinda giddy that John Gruber’s favorite iOS writing app is iA Writer. It has been mine for years. I’ve tried Ulysses, Day One, Bear, 1Writer, etc., but nothing compares to iA Writer. All my writing gets done on it, and I do a lot.
This morning I finished reading the last volume of Demon Slayer, a manga by Koyoharu Gotouge. Like many, I came into the series by watching the amazing anime first, which I loved, and the rest of the story told in the manga does not disappoint. I loved it.
One thing I like to do is take screenshots of panels I particularly like. They can range anywhere from funny lines of dialogue, like the one above, to simple and quiet panels that pause time to show a beautiful moment.
Here are some of my favorites. Warning: spoilers.
Notes
When you’re reading a book that just shakes you to your core, where your hands are trembling but you can’t wait to turn the page, where you’re reading and you look at the time and 15 minutes have passed, then 30 minutes, then an hour, and you can’t wait to turn the page, when you read a passage that hits your soul and you underline it and you re-read it and re-read it, where you feel so grateful that you’re alive to read these words, to let them infect you and become you—that’s how I feel after reading American Pastoral. I still have one more part to read, but my god.
New book! I’ve been slowly weening myself off email over the past few months, from only checking work email at work (sorry boss), and turning off all email notifications from my devices. The world has been more interesting with this small act of defiance.
