I first met Rickisha Bear ten years ago. She was a 5th grader at my school district, and I remember how outgoing and funny she was even at that young age. She was not afraid to joke around with someone a few decades older than her, and I loved joking with her back. She transferred to another school during her 6th grade year, and sadly, I didn’t really think of her much after that. Kids come and go at the school, and I tend to forget about people when they’re out of sight.

Rickisha went missing five months ago, and I first heard about it on Facebook when a former teacher of hers posted about it. I shared her story to my Facebook feed and hoped for the best. The history of missing indigenous women is not a good one, and I didn’t want to lose hope that Kisha was still alive somewhere out there… but again, out of sight, out of mind (I hate that I’m admitting this, but goddammit it’s the truth and the truth fucking sucks sometimes).

I went to the laundromat to do laundry this morning, and right there on the bulletin board I saw her face again. “Bring Kisha Home!” I felt sad and guilty and simply heartbroken that she is still missing. She recently turned 20 years old, and… fuck. I don’t know. If anyone reading this has seen or heard from her, please send a message to this email or call or text (406) 604-2423. Bring Kisha home. Please.

I bought College Football 25 for my PS5 today, the first time I’ve purchased an EA Sports game in maybe two decades. After the heart-pumping intro, I was met with this Positive Play message that truly warmed my heart. Is this relatively new? Has it been part of EA games for a while? I’m not sure, but I liked it. I chose the USC Trojans as my favorite team because they are my alma mater, and I began a quick match against Stanford. I beat them 70-0, and it was some of the most fun I’ve had in a long while. I then began the new dynasty mode, but I had to cut it short, so I couldn’t quite delve too deeply into it.

I don’t play video games as much as I used to, and I think that’s mostly because I’ve trained myself to think of them as pointless distractions. I tell myself that I should be writing or that I should be reading or that I should be finishing this project or that project. And maybe that’s still true most of the time, but even without video games, I’m not always working or getting things done. God, I wish I was working and getting things done most of the time! But I’m not, and that’s just the honest truth. Hell, I’ve had to drag myself off my ass to write these daily entries every night and to grab my camera and shoot something, regardless of “quality”.

And maybe that’s where my attitude on things needs to change. Like EA’s message, play can be positive, and maybe I should let some of it back into my life. After all, all work and no play makes Mario a dull boy, and nobody wants that.

I think all this smoke has driven everyone crazy. A couple of employees (and friends of mine) resigned from the school today, a few days after a somewhat contentious board meeting, or so I’ve been told since I didn’t go. Small towns spread rumors faster than conspiracy theories at a Trump rally, and I heard one thing one moment and the complete opposite the next that at some point, I simply stopped caring. Maybe that makes me a bad person or a bad friend, and honestly, maybe I am both, and I think that’s okay because this smoke has driven me crazy, too.

I went back to the reservoir and saw a few kids fishing. I drove past their ATV and found a nice spot by the rocks. I breathed in the fresh smoky air and shot some photos with my X-T4, and then I went home.

More of Montana is burning and the skies are thick with smoke. A fire broke out about 10 miles down the road from me and western Montana is now under stage I and stage II fire restrictions. This relentless heatwave sees no sign of easing off any time soon, and this smoke will only make things hotter.

I could taste the air on my way to work this morning, so I stopped off to get a cup of coffee at my favorite coffee shop. I enjoyed it while I grabbed my camera and snapped a few photos of the hazy skies.

Sloppy joes for dinner tonight.

There aren’t enough wildland firefighters and the Miller Peak Fire has grown to over 1,900 acres, something I knew would happen a few days ago. That temptation to un-retire from firefighting is growing stronger and stronger… but wildland firefighting is its own kind of commitment that I don’t think I can afford to make anymore. I do miss it, though.

I subscribed to The Athletic yesterday, and I’ve been very impressed and engrossed with the new season of Hard Knocks: Offseason with the New York Giants. Seeing the behind the scenes at roster construction is interesting as hell. I stopped watching the NFL years ago (around the time the Chargers defected from San Diego to Los Angeles), but I’m considering jumping back into it this year.

Also, I’ve never coached anything in my life, but I am thinking about popping that cherry sometime during this upcoming school year. I love sports, and I love kids, so it only makes sense, right?

My marigolds first began to bloom a few months ago, and since then, they have brought me nothing but joy. They just recently began to bloom some more, and each time I draw open my curtains in the morning, they are the first thing I see, and oh man, I just love seeing them.

Last fall, at the beginning of the school year, our second grade class planted marigolds and the week before the holiday break, they began to hand them out to the staff. They planted them in milk cartons they cut out and painted themselves, and the marigolds were little shoots when they gave me mine.

I’ve never been a plant person, and I really had no idea what to do, other than water them and make sure they get enough sun. However, it was the middle of winter when I received them, so I was very worried they would die quickly. To my surprise, they are still alive, and I think now they’re flourishing, and that’s so much fun to see.

I may have not been a plant person before, but I think I am one now. What else should I plant?

The Miller Peak Fire is the first fire I’ve seen this fire season, and it’s the first time in many years where I actually missed firefighting. I’ve now been out of firefighting longer than I was in it, and it almost feels like another lifetime ago. As of this writing, the Miller Peak Fire is approximately 500 acres, but considering the terrain and the high heat expected this week, it will more than likely expand and grow bigger than that. Now that I’ve been out of firefighting for a while, I’m hoping for a shorter and milder fire season this summer, which is a stark contrast from when I was firefighter, when each fire excited me to no end. Now I have a road trip in a few weeks to look forward to and become excited about.

Sundays have quickly become one of my favorite days of the week because it is the one day of the week where I stay in and clean my home. Cleaning makes me appreciate all that I own, and coming home from a long day at work to a place that looks good, that smells good, that feels good, centers me and helps me feel good. I have never been one of those people that cleans regularly, but ever since I picked up this habit a few months ago, I’ve realized how much I don’t want to go back to who I used to be and how I used to live. It has also helped me live more intentionally, to own only what is truly necessary to me and my own happiness, and to not allow things into my life that don’t bring me joy. My Sunday resets are meditative and oh so necessary to my well-being. I love them.

Another slow kind of day where I didn’t do much. What I did do was something I’ve been procrastinating on for a few months, and that’s processing the photos I took on my road trip from back in April. I shot a few thousand photos during the trip, and I only recently whittled that down to about 300. Before, my workflow would then consist of editing each RAW file in Capture One over many hours across many days (or weeks, in this case), and I just wasn’t feeling that anymore. I could even foresee how much this problem would intensify during the trip, as I invested in styles for Capture One that I hoped would make editing quicker, but there was something about them didn’t quite jibe with me, so I quickly abandoned that idea.

Because I was getting tired of editing, I began to finally play around with recipes for my Fujifilm cameras, and I quickly took to it. Like, almost immediately. This was exactly what my photography was missing, as I explained a bit in my post from when I went to Kerr Dam last month. Over the last few weeks, I’ve been playing with Fuji’s X RAW STUDIO app, and even though it is slightly buggy, I really like it. It’s very easy to create recipes with it and even easier to assign them to specific slots on my camera. If you put two and two together, then you can see where my head is at: I began to apply some of my favorite recipes for the X-T4 onto the photos I took during my road trip, and they have been coming out a lot better than I could have imagined. And what’s cool about the X RAW STUDIO app is that you can play around with exposure, highlights, and shadows and apply some nice edits to the photos. It doesn’t allow for cropping or straightening, which is a feature I would love it to have because then, I don’t think I would even need an app like Capture One anymore. And what’s cool, too, is that all this processing happens on the camera itself, so it’s kinda like I took those photos with those specific simulations while I was out and about. Not quite, but close.

I’m not finished processing these photos because, again, I’ve been lazy today, but the photos I have processed look pretty good, and that makes me happy and every excited to both finish and to head out on the road again. I’m super excited about that.

A lazy day at home. Earlier this week, I received this poster by Anderson Design Group, and I’d been looking at it on and off today. For a big part of my adult life, when I thought of traveling, I always thought of traveling overseas: Europe, Asia, Australia. During my road trip in April, however, I realized how much of America I haven’t seen and how much of it I want to see. So I bought this poster to remind me to explore America. On the wall facing this poster, I have more posters by Anderson Design Group that, in a way, tell my story. In order, I have city posters from San Diego, Los Angeles, Montana, Seattle, and Portland.

I now want to go east, and I think I settled on when: the first week of August. I don’t want to be around when my town hosts their annual Pioneer Days event; instead, I want to be on my way toward Chicago. I miss cities, and that feeling only intensified when I visited Seattle and Portland earlier this year. I’ve always wanted to visit Chicago, so that’s where I hope to be in a few weeks time. I’m not much of a planner, so the only thing I have to do next is to fill out my leave form at work. After that, who knows. I’ll hit the open road and see where the road takes me.